I often wonder when it’s okay to be yourself.  I find that it’s not okay for me to have feelings about anything.  I feel like when I am having a bad day, am sad, or just simply need a good cry, people think I’m being too emotional, or over-dramatic, or ridiculous, or whatever…

I just don’t know how to have emotions anymore, I think.  I’m so damn scared of ever letting someone see me upset because I don’t want them to think I’m being a fucking whiner.  I hate having to feel like I have to validate any emotion I am experiencing that doesn’t revolve around being upbeat, “funny” (which, honestly, I think my humor annoys people quite often), or doing something to contribute to a conversation.

I feel like I’m the most awkward person in the entire fucking universe because I never know what to say or when to say it.  I feel like when I’m being quiet, people think I’m weird.  I feel like I always have to say something to compensate for being so lame.  I’m sorry if this is a bitch fit, I just don’t know who to talk to or what to say, even…I just have to get this shit out of my head so that it doesn’t eat me alive. 

I’m sorry for ranting.  I’m sorry for carrying on like a crazy lady, I just have to vent.  Holy shit, do I have to just let some of this fucking turmoil insanity bullshit out.  I’m sorry.